Set off warning: Mentions of suicide
“Papa, can a boy and boy get married?”
“Sure, in fact! Daddy and I are married.”
“How a couple of lady and lady?”
“Sure.”
“Do you each love one another?”
Srivatsan regarded by the rear-view mirror within the automobile at his husband Saravanan, and stated a convincing “sure”, as did Saravanan.
“I’m glad you each are married,” stated their son Sendhan.
This seemingly nonchalant dialog was the one one which six-year-old Sendhan wanted, to know the connection between his fathers. There have been no follow-up questions!
“Children don’t have inhibitions and they don’t seem to be judgemental. Sendhan accepted us with open arms. He even painted a rock with the phrases, ‘My dads rock’, and introduced it to us,” Srivatsan, based mostly out of Toronto, Canada, tells The Higher India.
Anecdotes like this make one want that adults, too, had been so simple as youngsters and understood that it’s utterly okay for 2 males or two girls to fall in love with one another. Wouldn’t life be a lot easier if adults began pondering the way in which youngsters do? It might have positively made the lives of those two males simpler as they launched into a journey from Chennai to Singapore, lastly settling in Toronto seeking a society that accepts them for who they’re.
It might have additionally made it simpler for them or some other homosexual couple who needs to undertake a baby from India. However this couple wasn’t going to let any challenges deter them from dwelling their finest lives and adopting their son, who they now name “the sunshine of their lives”.
Srivatsan and Saravanan went by a year-long course of and spent over 60,000 Canadian {dollars} to legally undertake Sendhan as their son.
What was the journey like for 45-year-old Srivatsan? How did he come to phrases with being homosexual and navigating life when his mother and father needed him to marry a lady, it doesn’t matter what? From attempting to take his personal life to being out and proud, right here’s his unimaginable story.
‘Selecting myself helped me’
From his early childhood, Srivatsan knew that he was completely different. He felt extra comfy along with his cousin sisters than his brothers. His first crush was on a blue-eyed boy with curly hair. “I hated taking part in cricket within the scorching solar, particularly fielding; this was my first clue. Additionally I simply all the time knew that there was one thing completely different about me. I couldn’t relate to the boys in school and over time, I understood that I used to be homosexual,” explains Srivatsan.
This was a time earlier than the appearance of social media and telephones and a thriving LQBTQ (lesbian, homosexual, bisexual, transgender, queer) group in India. The younger boy had nobody to show to know how he felt and share his emotions with. The absence of somebody who was overtly homosexual value Srivatsan plenty of ache in his 20s.
The primary time Srivatsan shared his sexuality with somebody, all hell broke unfastened. Seems that the particular person he shared it with was his father’s buddy who violated Srivatsan’s belief by blurting out the knowledge to his father.
“My father is a priest and tried to do conversion remedy on me. They despatched me to an uncle’s place and made me do some spiritual actions within the hope that I’d ‘change’. It was a really low level in my life. I used to be denied all the things I appreciated, even books,” shares Srivatsan.
His mother and father refused to speak to him and had been “ashamed” of what he had grow to be, he provides. The one manner out, they instructed him, was to marry a lady. To achieve his mother and father’ acceptance and be a “good son”, Srivatsan even tried that.
“I needed my mother and father to simply accept me. I went the entire 9 yards and even noticed a lady my mother and father had chosen. They felt that after I received married to a lady, all the things can be okay,” provides the digital options marketing consultant.
But, regardless that he needed to make his mother and father blissful, he realised that it couldn’t be completed at the price of his personal happiness. He was torn between being true to himself and submitting to his guardian’s expectations.
Regardless of attempting his stage finest to adapt to the requirements set by society and his mother and father, he couldn’t reside a lie. At his lowest, he tried taking his personal life. “I attempted ending my life to keep away from bringing disgrace to the household. It took me 48 drugs to know that I too am necessary on this world. Dying, in a manner, helped me perceive about dwelling. I too deserved to reside,” he says emphatically.
After he selected himself and his psychological well being over conforming to his guardian’s needs, Srivatsan moved to Singapore when he was 26. It was right here that he discovered himself within the truest sense. By means of allies, he learnt to be comfy with himself and love himself.
“The particular person I’m right this moment is an output of the various difficult occasions that I confronted. If I had any individual like me rising as much as inform me that it’s okay and regular to have emotions for an individual of the identical intercourse, I’d have saved myself a few years and all of the heartbreaks,” says Srivatsan.
It was right here that nearly a decade in the past, he met his boyfriend and now husband, Saravanan.
‘In the present day, I’m a proud, brown, homosexual man’
Srivatsan and Saravanan, who additionally hails from Chennai, met by a relationship website in Singapore.
Whereas Saravanan was severe from the get-go, Srivatsan didn’t know that he had discovered ‘the one’ proper firstly. The 39-year-old fireplace safety methods designer fell in love on the finish of their first date.
They discovered consolation in one another and eased into the connection. Whereas Srivatsan was “out and proud” to his household, Saravanan hadn’t come out but.
“To construct a long-term relationship, I needed him to return out to his household, which he did. His sister was extremely supportive of our relationship. Our relationship naturally progressed to the place it’s right this moment. I’m very grateful to have him in my life,” shares Srivatsan.
They moved to Canada in 2018 and received married in Might of the identical 12 months.
What made the couple happiest was the presence of some members of their household at their marriage ceremony. Srivatsan’s mom walked him down the aisle, lastly accepting her son for who he’s.
The subsequent few years had been a whirlwind of happiness for the couple as they loved wedded bliss. They quickly adopted two canines and thought of including a baby to their household. Throughout the identical time, they came upon about an unintentional being pregnant of a relative in India.
“The relative was 40 on the time and already had 4 youngsters. She came upon very late within the being pregnant. We determined to undertake her little one,” shares Srivatsan.
The adoption course of was removed from easy for the couple. Since homosexual marriage shouldn’t be authorized in India, they needed to undertake Sendhan by the Canadian authorized system. They first introduced Sendhan to Canada just a few months earlier than his fifth birthday in 2022.
“The method was difficult as a result of our son is an Indian citizen whereas I’m a Canadian citizen and my husband is on his method to turning into one. We introduced our son right here after which began the method of adoption,” shares Srivatsan.
It took greater than a 12 months, plenty of legal professionals, and over 60,000 Canadian {dollars} earlier than the adoption was legally processed. But, all the things was value it as they grew to become mother and father to a lovely, inquisitive, loving little one, they share.
Seeing life in a brand new gentle
Being a guardian has been one of the crucial rewarding experiences, shares Srivatsan. Sendhan got here to them when he was 5 and took a while to regulate to the brand new setting. He was additionally one of many solely brown youngsters in a predominantly white neighbourhood.
“He took a while to regulate as everybody round him spoke a distinct language, had completely different meals habits, and a distinct pores and skin tone. The journey was bumpy and we helped him by taking him on playdates and explaining that all of us come from numerous backgrounds,” shares Srivatsan.
Having this small human run round the home asking questions was enjoyable for the brand new mother and father. They had been additionally clear about explaining their sexuality and the truth that Sendhan was adopted by them. In just a few months, he grew to become comfy within the new nation and in addition along with his ‘papa’ and ‘daddy’, as he calls his fathers.
“We’ve tousled so many occasions however that’s one of the crucial stunning issues about being a guardian. We’re studying alongside our son. To have the ability to see the world by my son’s eyes is a privilege,” provides the 45-year-old.
The mother and father get pleasure from taking a breather from their work to take a seat and play with crayons and legos and watch the world decelerate as they immerse themselves right into a six-year-old’s world. “How wonderful and easy is the life of a kid! All he cares about is taking part in, chasing butterflies and constructing sand castles on the seashore. Being a guardian is actually one of the crucial incredible issues on the earth. I’m glad I received this chance and I’m very blissful,” he shares.
He’s additionally sure that his son shall be raised gently and supplied area to be who he’s and never be pressured to adapt to societal requirements.
To each LGBTQ particular person, Srivatsan has one message: “Your life is value dwelling and your happiness is value being pursued.”
He provides that whereas the journey is difficult, it’s value it. “First issues first, if you’re in an setting that’s not secure, don’t shout out from the rooftops. Get to a secure area and metropolis, educate your self, and discover a supportive group. The homosexual world has advanced right this moment and there are communities in several cities. Contact them and search assist. The primary intuition needs to be to guard your self,” shares Srivatsan.
For anybody who wants assist or steering, Srivatsan will be contacted on outrageously_me_ on Instagram.
Edited by Pranita Bhat, Photos Courtesy Srivatsan
