At 4 am, the world outdoors is quick asleep. However for 26-year-old Merlin Prescilla in Chennai, the night time has barely begun. Her nine-month-old son, Francis Methuselah, is awake once more, his tiny cries piercing the silence. She’s exhausted however alert, rocking him gently, her eyes heavy from one more damaged night time of sleep.
“You may’t sleep correctly,” she says. “I’ve to be awake when he’s, and I’ve to be cautious.”
That is the actuality of early motherhood — relentless, emotional, and infrequently invisible. It’s a time when days blur into nights, when small victories really feel monumental, and when love coexists with uncertainty, guilt, and sheer bodily exhaustion.
From breastfeeding battles and postpartum despair to the societal expectations of ‘bouncing again,’ 5 South Indian girls open up in regards to the messy however lovely chaos of being a brand new mom — and the individuals who saved them afloat.
‘Nobody informed me it could be this difficult’
The romanticised picture of motherhood — glowing smiles, cuddly infants, and picture-perfect moments — not often captures the powerful, tangled first months after supply.
For Merlin, the very first thing that caught her off-guard wasn’t sleepless nights and even breastfeeding — it was one thing far less complicated. “I didn’t know find out how to put a diaper on my child,” she remembers. “Every part felt new and peculiar. I used to be pressured, and I couldn’t even lactate the primary day.”
Pearl Porshi Arockiaraj, a 25-year-old mom from Thanjavur, echoes the sentiment. “Truthfully, I nonetheless really feel like a child whereas navigating this motherhood,” she shares. After her C-section, Pearl was completely depending on others for weeks. “Being bodily dependent made me mentally weak. However my household, particularly my husband, was my final pillar of assist.”
For Anu Sara John (27) from Kerala, the emotional weight of sleep deprivation was a shock. “It was brutal,” she says. “I wasn’t ready for the emotional rollercoaster. I felt like I used to be shedding my identification, however assist from my household helped me keep grounded.”
The village that holds you
In a world the place new moms are sometimes anticipated to bounce again and stick with it, the significance of a sturdy assist system can’t be overstated. For Cicilla Cyril (33), a Bengaluru-based entrepreneur and mom of 11-month-old Wesley Cyril D’Souza, the group she present in fellow moms was life-changing.
“You want a village to boost a baby, and I acquired very fortunate,” she says. “My greatest pals had been going by way of the identical journey. I might textual content them at 3 am with probably the most random questions or simply to complain. It’s so vital to have that group — no person understands you want they do.”
In many of the tales shared, household, particularly companions, emerged because the spine. Pearl’s husband ensures she will get her “me time” daily. Agnes Judith, a 26-year-old from Coimbatore, remembers how her mom nursed her by way of the agonising ache following a C-section. “For practically a month, I couldn’t bathe or use the restroom by myself. My mom held my hand by way of all of it.”
In Anu’s case, her household went a step additional, usually prioritising her psychological and bodily well being over the child’s. “They carry the child to me for feeding, however in any other case, they make certain I get relaxation. I felt actually seen and cared for.”
When the child comes, are moms forgotten?
There’s a second many new moms dread — when the joy across the being pregnant fades, and all eyes flip to the child. “Even on a video name, my family is extra excited to see the child,” Merlin shares. “Only a few ask how I’m doing, even my husband forgets at occasions.” It’s a silent shift that may really feel isolating.
Cicilla places it extra starkly: “Once you’re pregnant, everyone seems to be gaga over you. However the minute the child is out, you realise you had been only a vessel. What follows is a sequence of harrowing incidents — milk shaming, being blamed for something that goes fallacious together with your toddler.”
Pearl doesn’t recall anyone second — as a substitute, she says the sensation pervades each day life. “With respect to every and the whole lot within the day-to-day life, my child is prioritised greater than I, and I’m very happy for it being that approach.”
The strain to ‘bounce again’
Whether or not it’s shedding child weight or returning to work with a smile, the strain on new moms to “bounce again” could be very actual, even when nobody explicitly says it. Merlin compares herself to different moms on social media. “I see them occurring holidays with their infants, sporting fashionable garments. However for me, it’s all very tough. I haven’t regained the boldness to put on what I used to.”
Agnes Judith, then again, discovered her personal rhythm. “I misplaced 12 kgs in seven months, however I didn’t stress. Simply adopted the straightforward workout routines my physician urged and took care of my child alone. Writing down my emotions helped too, it made me realise that lots of what I used to be going by way of was hormonal, not anybody’s fault.”
For others like Anu and Pearl, the strain didn’t hit as exhausting. “Bouncing again ought to be a private selection,” Pearl says. “I began figuring out after six months, after I felt prepared.” Anu’s household ensured her journey was free from unrealistic expectations. “They all the time supported me at my tempo.”
A brand new self, or a misplaced one?
Motherhood undeniably adjustments girls, however the way it alters their sense of self varies. For Cicilla, it’s been a whole transformation. “I now determine as a mum first, adopted by the whole lot else. It’s a privilege to boost my boy.”
Pearl, nevertheless, confesses to feeling like a shadow of her former self. “I miss that younger spirit and vitality. I additionally really feel like an amnesia affected person — not capable of recall issues simply. I’ve grow to be so aware of what I say, eat, and do.”
Merlin finds her stability by persevering with to do the issues she beloved earlier than. “That retains my identification intact,” she says. Judy feels stronger than ever. “Motherhood made me love myself extra. I really feel there’s nothing on this world that may take me down now.”
Messages to their new selves
On this Mom’s Day, these girls look again with honesty and coronary heart. “Belief the method,” Pearl says. “Don’t pressure your self to comply with traditions except you actually consider in them.”
“You’re doing nice,” Agnes would inform herself. “That is only the start. It’s an funding in your future happiness.” “You’re wonderful,” Anu provides. “You’re a famous person. You’re already an unbelievable mum.”
Every of those moms paints a novel image of early motherhood — messy, magical, and something however one-size-fits-all. They converse of ache, love, frustration, pleasure, and above all, power.
As Cicilla places it: “It’s going to be exhausting, very exhausting. However you are able to do this. You’re going to shock your self if you realise this was meant to be. You had been meant to be a mum.”
Edited by Vidya Gowri Venkatesh.
